Frequently Asked Questions

 

  1. Do addicts have to hit a bottom before they will be able to accept help?

    Addiction is a life and death disease.  Since, statistically over 85% of addicts never ask for help, it would actually be remiss for the family members to idly sit by waiting for these "bottoms" to hit.  Interventions are a means of interrupting that deadly path the addict is traveling on blindly.  Sometimes, the individual using is so entrenched in their denial, he/she believes they are in complete control of their chaotic, miserable existences. Interventions point out some of the negative consequences that have transpired from their usage.

    "Bottoms" can range from losing one's job to go so far reaching as "jails, institutions, and death."  Intervening before such a disastrous outcome or "bottom" occurs may just be the life-line the addict needs from the family before he/she sinks to a point that may in fact be irreversible. 

    In some cases, the Intervention, itself, could be the "answer" the user has been craving as an escape from what they viewed as an inescapable situation.  The help he/she did not have the courage or was too ashamed to ask for is now given to them on a silver platter. An Intervention is very often viewed as a great gift that takes the pressure out of admitting how horrific the disease had progressed in the addicts' life.  Now, the secrets are out in the open and honesty becomes the driving force for that particular addict  and family to get the help they so desperately deserve and desire.

  2.  Who should be involved in the intervention?

    This is a difficult yet a very commonly asked question.  Should a family member who currently uses show up and give advice, which to the addict could sound like hypocrisy?  If during the “pre-intervention” the acknowledgement and ownership on some of the family members who are actively using could very well allow the addict to open up listen to what their loved one is saying. For who really knows the torture and obsession of an addict more than a fellow user?  Ideally, the person in the family who is using would agree to get treatment as well, and that could be a huge sign to the addict and even be enough to get them to go to treatment themselves.

    The selection of people should range from very close friends, who know the addict better than anyone.  Unfortunately, those are many of the very same people the person used with and will surely not respond to if they had just used with them the day before.  It must be taken seriously, as it is a life and death situation, so friends who are not vigilant about their own sobriety or that of our addict should be eliminated from the group.  Family, who are highly respected by the addict are excellent candidates for the participation. The group should be a small gathering of people who love the user and know them extremely well.  There are always those in a family that have more sway with the person in question and it should either begin with this person’s letter or end with it for the sheer magnitude those words can have with the addict.

    The people in the room should only have one motivation for being there:  that is to help save the life of the person they love.  Otherwise, they need to be omitted from the process or they will cause more harm than good. Discernment in the friends, family, and even coworkers is up to the family who knows the addict the best and who they would really and truly want there.  Do not be intimidated by people that feel they have a right to be involved in the process and try to force their way in.  Aggression is not the goal-acceptance is.

  3. How should I handle the family members:  mom, who does not believe sister has a problem, the angry brother, or the father who is disgusted with her and refuses to come?

    Before the intervention begins you must talk with your interventionist about the problems you may see forming before even getting started.  The mom who does not believe your daughter has a problem, needs to say very little, if at all. She should also really attempt getting treatment for codependency and denial.  Your father might be the one to get to her, because he would be the last person she would expect and if he could come from a place of love and she still saw that there was love in his eyes-she would go to treatment.  You are going to have to switch things up on her for the addict to be a bit shaken and confused.  Your sister will expect you to be strong, so express to her how you really feel, and let your emotions flow.  Your brother can approach her in a calm manner, still voicing his frustrations at the way she is conducting her life,  just not in the normal, angry, loud voice that would be the expected response.

    These are very specific examples given, but your interventionist will have a definite plan to deal with all of these diverse personalities and feelings.  Success can be achieved even in these situations where no one agrees-the only aspect of the intervention that you all have to agree with is that you all insist she attend an in-patient treatment center and nothing less will suffice.  Anger, pain, and bitterness are strong emotions, they are simply not as strong as love, and the bottom line is everyone in your family loves her.  Otherwise, there would not be such strong emotions involved as bitterness, anger, and fear-that much is evident.
  4. Do I have to say certain things to my friend that will betray our trust in front of everyone?  What if she never forgives me?

    This is an extremely common question, and there are no guarantees in a situation such as this. There will be resentment and she will feel "ganged up" on.

    You must realize that she shared in-depth description of her use with you because she was secretly asking for help, probably without even realizing it.  What you are doing for her today is one of the most selfless gifts anyone of us could give to our friends, family, or spouses; it is attempting to get your friend back-not only the outgoing, smart, funny girl she used to be, but you are truly attempting to  save her life just as if she were drowning.  So, you need to ask yourself, do I love her enough for her to be angry with me for some time, even worst case scenario-forever?  Would you want to know that you could have been at this Intervention, shared pertinent facts about her drug addiction, or would you rather be thinking about all those things at her funeral?  As harsh as that sounds, it is the sad reality of this disease.  People die every day doing less than what your friend is putting into her body and those are the sad but factual truths.

    If she is truly your friend, which from what I have heard to be true, is yes.  She not only will forgive you but she will be indebted to you for her life and for your bravery of sharing secrets that will eventually kill her.  That is what I call the best kind of friend, and so will she when she has her life back and happiness in her heart again.
  5.   What kind of treatment works best?

    Addiction has been a growing problem not only in our country but throughout the world.  The secrecy shield has been lifted and the image of the homeless wino, living under a bridge has been removed and the old notions of what society deemed "drunks" or "junkies" have definitely changed throughout the years.  The alcoholic is your soccer, PTA mom.  The junky is the doctor who lives down the street, giving himself shots of Morphine because of a muscle spasm.  “Treatment” does not hold that same negative, embarrassing connotation that it once had-and with the research being done and proving time and time again that addiction is a disease of the brain-the shame is slowly being lifted and people are much more vocal about this fatal illness.

    With the publicity and more knowledge about the concept of addiction as a disease, there are so many options for treatment now, it is almost overwhelming.  Researching the right place for you or a loved one will take time with all amenities now readily available for someone wanting to get sober.  It will vary from their drugs of choice, the longevity of their using, and frequency of use.  Since everyone is unique and handles treatment differently it is difficult to pinpoint one option that is ultimately the one for the addict.

    There are rehabilitations geared more toward the spa mentality, or wilderness getaways, ones where the twelve steps are the backbone of the treatment.  The variables are nearly endless, so my best suggestion if the user is not to the point of a daily drinker or abuser, an Intensive Outpatient that meets normally three to four times a week where groups are formed and the addicts feel free to discuss their use because they are surrounded by like-minded others.

    If the using continues and progresses, as this disease so often does, an inpatient treatment center is most likely the best option.  This is the choice which usually holds the most resistance by the prospective client: "I have bills to pay," "a family to raise",  "I am chaperone for the school dance Friday", are only a few of the excuses we hear on a daily basis.  The sad truth is, if the using has gotten to the point where inpatient treatment is even being discussed, the bill money is being spent on alcohol or drugs, the family would much rather have a healthy mom or dad than a fall down drunk or passed out opiate user-parenting has not been a priority of the addict probably for some time, and that is a difficult point to get across to a mother or father.  The dance will survive without the town drunk and the greatest gift one could give their children and their family is the gift of sobriety-and in the scheme of things, what is a 30,60, or 90 day inpatient stay to get the gift of their parent back.  Truth be known, those children have most likely been raising themselves for quite some time. 

    Inpatient has the best success rate and the longer one is in treatment the higher the odds go up.  It is a very selfless act on the part of the addict to leave a family they so desperately love, but does not have the mental or physical capabilities of taking care of them at this juncture of their use-and that can be the hardest fact to accept.  An alcoholic or drug addict is not any type of parent at all, no matter how they can twist and conive the facts to ease an intense amount of guilt.  Treatment and sobriety are the gifts your children truly deserve.